I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
