Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
