I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
