Sry I called you an 8
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
