he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
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i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
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woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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