That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
