whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
