You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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