margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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