Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
