I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
