There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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