My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
