Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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