I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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