but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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