You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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