So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
