she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
