So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
