he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
