Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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