Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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