wrigley field is MILF paradise
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just pee around me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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