i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
