next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
