I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
