i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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