OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
