I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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