I seem to have left my pride at pride
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
