I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My penis needs a shock collar
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
