Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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