Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
