two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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