It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
