The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
