So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
