apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
