I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
