If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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