Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize