my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
