I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
