I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
