I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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