Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
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I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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