My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize