Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
