I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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