so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
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How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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