she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
