i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
