Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just cropdusted the office
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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