I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
