bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
