he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
