So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
