Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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